Closing a chapter…for now

I’ve been procrastinating doing this one….or avoiding it. For those of you who know me, know that I am one of those very rare and lucky people who love what I do and completely believe in it. When people ask when I’m giving up work, I give the typical response, “Not soon enough”, but I don’t really mean it. Closing this chapter is actually a bit harder than what I imagined.

So what do I do you ask. I work in preventative health – from changing behaviour to influencing environments so the healthier choice is the easier choice. I currently hold a role with government which allows me to change workplaces for the better. It’s an exciting time, workplaces are going beyond to achieve greater business outcomes through improving workers health. I still see so many opportunities for growth and to do more in my industry.

I have always had the mind set that you can’t do it all. You can’t work full time and be a mother full time. Something has to give. That could be fewer steps on the corporate ladder or even worse, the children’s wellbeing. This scares me a little. I will have to become completely selfless and give up my career for these little ones.

You’re probably thinking, stop being so dramatic, you’ll be back at work in no time. And you’re right, I will be back at work in a year or two. There are few things that worry me though, firstly how I’m going to make a meaningful contribution to this world or even our household income? Will I be the role model our children need?  And will I still have that drive in me when I do return to work?

I hear becoming a mother changes you. I don’t know how or what into. But it’s the unknown that worries me. I’m not only closing a chapter (temporarily) of 10 years, I’m opening a new one. One that I have no idea about. If I was having the one child I could almost make that plan to return to work. But we’re having three, so we have to be completely selfless to give them the very best start to life and take the wait and see approach with work. For all I know it could be years away.

I finish up work next Thursday. What next…I don’t know.The world at my fingertips

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Negative/ positive

Negative: For the first part of this pregnancy I have felt as though the world was sort of against us. Firstly with the difficulty of falling pregnant and then to be pregnant with triplets which increases the risks for almost everything. I won’t have a normal pregnancy, I won’t be able to deliver the babies naturally and who knows how I will go with breast feeding. It says it all in people’s reaction when you tell them you’re pregnant with triplets. It’s not always a “congratulations”. It more like a stunned look, followed by “wow, how will you cope”. A reaction I probably would have given if I found out someone I knew was having triplets. 
 
Positive: Our neighbors put it perfectly – ‘you’ve been chosen…you’ve got this’. Still one of the best reactions we’ve got. Instead of looking at this as a negative, it’s a massive plus to be having triplets. Firstly I could only be pregnant once in my life (boom), we will just need to nail each stage instead of trying to manage 3 separate stages (e.g. A newborn, a 2 year old and a school aged kid), only 1 maternity leave needed, they will always have mates, they will know how to share…etc etc. Now who doesn’t want to have triplets? 
Negative: Whilst I have come to the realisation it’s not all bad with having these babies, we have been hit with some horrible news in the past couple of weeks. Firstly I went to farewell my granny on a Tuesday. I delivered part of the eulogy and I don’t know if it was my hormones or the memories of my beautiful granny flashing back to me, but I could barely get the words out through my tears. My dad came up to support me whilst I spoke about his mother. Although she had a great innings and an amazing life, I was sad she couldn’t meet the triple threat. That bad news was closely followed by a tragedy and another farewell on the Thursday. A close friend of ours was taken at age 28 by mental illness. I don’t really know how to best describe her as she was just stunning in every way. The one you turn your head at when she walks into a room I guess that would be a start. Something that just shouldn’t have happened.
Positive: Pat and I lived in Western Australia for just under 3 years. We had a great time and met some truly amazing people. A friend from the west was travelling to Queensland for work and she managed to change her flight to stay an extra night so we could catch up. Meanwhile little did I know another friend had organised with Pat to fly over for one night and leave her 8 month old for the first time. Not only is that an expensive flight but also a fairly long and annoying one. I could barely believe my eyes when I saw her. We just spent the weekend with each other catching up. It made me realise how lucky and blessed we truly are. While we were in Western Australia the majority of our close friends visited us from Brisbane. It made me realise how lucky and blessed I am to have such amazing people in my life both close and far away.
It’s so easy to get caught up in everyday life and to dwell on the small stuff. But if this journey has taught me anything is that we are truly blessed. Out of every negative there seems to be some shining light. I could spend my nights worrying about these 3 little bundles, but instead I’m growing more and more excited to get to know them, what their personality is like and how much they will complete our little family. We don’t have a big house or every toy. But we have some great, great people in our lives that will fill them up with a lot more joy.     

  My gorgeous friends from Perth on each side of me.