Closing a chapter…for now

I’ve been procrastinating doing this one….or avoiding it. For those of you who know me, know that I am one of those very rare and lucky people who love what I do and completely believe in it. When people ask when I’m giving up work, I give the typical response, “Not soon enough”, but I don’t really mean it. Closing this chapter is actually a bit harder than what I imagined.

So what do I do you ask. I work in preventative health – from changing behaviour to influencing environments so the healthier choice is the easier choice. I currently hold a role with government which allows me to change workplaces for the better. It’s an exciting time, workplaces are going beyond to achieve greater business outcomes through improving workers health. I still see so many opportunities for growth and to do more in my industry.

I have always had the mind set that you can’t do it all. You can’t work full time and be a mother full time. Something has to give. That could be fewer steps on the corporate ladder or even worse, the children’s wellbeing. This scares me a little. I will have to become completely selfless and give up my career for these little ones.

You’re probably thinking, stop being so dramatic, you’ll be back at work in no time. And you’re right, I will be back at work in a year or two. There are few things that worry me though, firstly how I’m going to make a meaningful contribution to this world or even our household income? Will I be the role model our children need?  And will I still have that drive in me when I do return to work?

I hear becoming a mother changes you. I don’t know how or what into. But it’s the unknown that worries me. I’m not only closing a chapter (temporarily) of 10 years, I’m opening a new one. One that I have no idea about. If I was having the one child I could almost make that plan to return to work. But we’re having three, so we have to be completely selfless to give them the very best start to life and take the wait and see approach with work. For all I know it could be years away.

I finish up work next Thursday. What next…I don’t know.The world at my fingertips

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3 thoughts on “Closing a chapter…for now

  1. Hey Em,
    I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again – gosh you write incredibly well!
    I found similar feelings re work – I love working, I love my job, and I am fortunate to have great colleagues. I also, however, didn’t want to rush back to work after three months – or even six – I took 10 months off with ollie and will do the same w georgie. In case sharing my own findings helps you in managing your expectations, here goes: I like to feel productive. I like to sit back after a day and go ‘gosh I got a lot done today – look at all the tasks I ticked off my list!’ Being at work makes this easy and obvious. Being at home w a new baby is the complete opposite!! I really struggled with feeling like I spent all day being busy with various things but without actually achieving anything. Yes, I kept a child alive (sometimes only just, it felt like!!), but that wasn’t tangible enough. I found I had to lower my expectations of what I could achieve and this helped. Hopefully you will be better at this than me, but if not know you’re defibiteky not the only one!!
    I also applied to take 12 months maternity leave w ollie but was ready to go back after 9. As he got a spot at daycare at that time it all kind of fell into place and so hopefully it will with you too.
    There are so many caring options these days – if / when you decide you want to go back to work, the kids can go into daycare / you can get an Au pair / you and Pat could both work part time – mouse and I both worked part time for a bit and it defibiteky gives you a good appreciation of how the other one has it- you’re tired from a day of work, yes, but the other is EXHAUSTED from being under the pump at home all day!
    Sorry this ended up a bit long 🙂
    Enjoy your child-free mat leave – it’s so good!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for sharing. It’s so refreshing to get another insight (one which is very similar). I really appreciate you sharing this with me. It’s a shame we don’t live closer!! It would have been lovely seeing you all this weekend and to meet georgie. I think about you guys often. Hope you’re all well and thanks again lovely xox

      Like

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